Bipolar Disorder - 1st Person Account

"When I start going into a high, I no longer feel like an ordinary housewife.  Instead, I feel organized and accomplished and I begin to feel I am my most creative self.  I can write poetry easily.  I can compose melodies without effort.  I can paint.  My mind feels facile and absorbs everything. I have countless ideas about improving the conditions of mentally retarded children  of how a hospital for these children should be run, what they should have around them to keep them happy and calm and unafraid.  I see myself as being able to accomplish a great deal for the good of people.  I have countless ideas about how the environment problem could inspire a crusade for the health and betterment of everyone.  I feel able to accomplish a great deal for the good of my family and others.  I feel pleasure, a sense of euphoria or elation.  I want it to last forever.  I don't seem to need much sleep.  I've lost weight and feel healthy and I like myself.  I've just bought six dresses, in fact, and they look quite good on me.  I feel sexy and men stare at me.  Maybe I'll have an affair, or perhaps several.  I feel capable of speaking and doing good in politics.  I would like to help people with problems similar to mine so they won't feel helpless.

    It's wonderful when you feel like this....The feeling of exhilaration-- the high mood -- make me feel light and full of the joy of living. However, when I go beyond this stage, I become manic, and the creativeness becomes so magnified I begin to see things in my mind that aren't real.  For instance., one night I created an entire movie, complete with cast, that I still think would be terrific.  I saw the people as clearly as if watching them in real life.  I also experienced complete terror, as if it were actually happening,  when I knew an assassination was about to take place.  I cowered under the covers and become a complete shaking wreck.  As you know, I went into a manic psychosis at that point. My screams awakened my husband, who tried to reassure me that we were in our bedroom and everything was the same.  There was nothing to be afraid of.  Nevertheless, I was admitted to the hospital the next day."